Twitter Takes Bite Out Of Revenue Troubles With Pay-To-Use-Previous-UI Service

June 25, 2017

SAN FRANCISCO - Is the new Twitter user interface ruining your life? Now there's a way out - if you're willing to pay for it.

In response to widespread gnashing of teeth over the recent overhaul of its user interface, Twitter unveiled today a new service that will allow users to continue using the old UI for a monthly subscription fee. The service, called "RegressionUI", will feature a 30-day free trial before users must pay to keep their heads buried in the sand.

This service is a bold and exciting new direction for a company that many perceive as struggling to find its way. In a phone call with investors, CEO Jack Dorsey remarked, "For over a decade, Twitter has stoically endured the howling and moaning of users every time we alter the product's appearance. We feel offering this service is a fantastic new way to thicken our bottom line while also accommodating these crybabies."

Reacting to the announcement, competitors are already moving to adopt the policy by offering similar services. Facebook, a company perennially beset by luddite users whining about changes to their profile, announced its intent to offer a payment plan for people who feel they are entitled to decide how a free software product should appear. LinkedIn, which rolled out a user interface facelift in early 2017, has added the ability to revert to its old UI as part of its LinkedIn Premium plan - a move it anticipates will potentially quadruple subscriptions.

According to the press release, Twitter's RegressionUI will feature two packages that will be available in the coming weeks. RegressionUI Basic, $7.99 per month, will only offer the previous UI. RegressionUI Elite, $11.99 per month, will also allow you to re-introduce bugs, errors, crashes, and incorrect behavior that were previously fixed and patched.

You might also enjoy:

Kalanick, Benchmark Place Uber Employees In Middle And Both Call To Them To Test Loyalty
Ransomware Offers New Frontier For Excuses From Homework-Avoiding Schoolchildren
GitHub Reminds Companies Who's In Charge By Intentionally Causing Temporary Service Outages
Smartphone Stubbornly Clings To WiFi Signal Long After It Should Have Given Up And Switched To 4G
Magic Leap Raises $80 Billion To Ramp Up Production Of Enticing Tease Videos